ABB:Ed won’t hand you a programme. It’s a direction for men who want to get better. People often say “oh, he’s a good guy” but rarely explain what that means. The working-out, week to week, happens in Field Notes.

Plenty of words could go on a list like this. These four make the cut because they all point at the same thing: what actually matters. Wisdom is knowing what matters. Courage is protecting it. Kindness is how you treat people while you do, especially when no one’s keeping score. And not taking yourself too seriously is what keeps the other three honest.

They also need each other. Courage without wisdom is just careless. Wisdom without kindness leaves you isolated. Kindness without courage gets taken advantage of. And the best kind of funny takes all three. Held together they’re enough to steer by, and short enough to remember on a bad day. Not a system to memorise, just four things to keep turning back to.

You can be all four of these in an empty room and it counts for nothing. Courage is for something. Wisdom comes from being corrected. Kindness needs someone to land on. Every one of them is a direction pointed at other people, or it’s just self-improvement with better manners.

It goes both ways, or it isn’t the thing. If everyone leans on you and you lean on nobody, that isn’t strength. It’s a heavier version of on your own.

Which is why the four only really happen in two ways, and neither of them is a word on a card.

With someone. Build it with them. Let them change the shape of it. Be the one who’s depended on, and be honest about who you depend on.

Slowly. Stay when it’s slow. Help when you’re asked, and hold off until you are. Most of the damage done by well-meaning men is done early.